Don't tell me

You may imagine that I am the hotheaded, impatient kind that turns over the adverts as soon as they come on. You would be right. But sometimes you just can't avoid them. Normally I will tolerate them, in the same way you may tolerate a small screaming child on a short bus journey, but sometimes they get under your skin in the worst possible way.

The current object of my hatred is the volvic challenge advert.



I really hate everything about this advert. Obviously the happy shopper sub-Jamie Oliver hero, but the shitty music, the cheeky chappy editing, the misleading small print, and 6 layers of volcanic rock all hit the "irritate RLJ" button like a 500lb sledgehammer. I even hate his stinky tramp haircut.

By far the worst part is when he talks about having a "cheeky Volvic". What the fuck is cheeky about drinking crap tasting mineral water? Is he talking about the cheekiness of paying for something that comes out of a tap? Or the the airmiles it clocks up? Thats not cheeky, thats known in this neck of the woods as stupid or thoughtless. Ooh. An entire litre and a half! Someone call Guiness book of records quick!

Who would watch that and think "What a guy. I really need to get some volvic." Rather my reaction is "I now want to go the the volvic bottling facility and piss in the vat". Gah!

Other adverts that have annoyed are the Jamie Oliver Sainsbury ones with his ethnically diverse friends having breakfast while Top Loader plays in the background, the one where the girl hands out coke bottles in the street to stangers, and the air freshner one where the kid says"I want to do a Poo at Pauls house" (for the last one I would recommend mum looking up the number for CAMHS is in the yellow pages).