Do you see what I see?

In the office with Priya and Jane on a Monday morning. We do that thing. You know. The the thing everyone does. When they go through the job listings and think

• Yeah! I could do that job. Easy.
• Hmm, I wonder what it would be like to live in Wolverhampton/Sheffield/the Isle of Skye
• Thats the money? I could buy an Audi with that. (Hmm, I wonder if those bastards upstairs are underpaying me).
• or
• Thats the money? Only that? How can anyone live on that? (Thank god I am on more).
• I wonder what it would be like to be an _______________?

I call it 'employment porn'.

Except Jane really is thinking of leaving (long story, not enough time. Lets just say it involved crying). So she is really looking for work. Its quite tough for us because we are not like garage mechanics so can easily explain what exactly it is that we do. Its a bit managementy, adminy, officey, salesy and all sorts. So an optimist would say we are capable of doing anything. A pessimist would say we are qualified to do nothing. I think the truth is somewhere in between.

So in addition to questions like "Here what about this one?", Jane asked me to look at her CV. Now, having done the whole 100 job apps a day thing myself, I know a thing or two about giving feedback. Rule number 1 is never say anything to the effect of "Why did you write it like that? That's shit!"or you don't think shift supervisor at KFC is really credible evidence of leadership. Rule number 2 is never say anything that may be taken the wrong way like commenting on whether those were the A level grades you expected, . Rule 3. say something vague like you never knew they were into bird watching and how nice it is. That way you can look like you have been helpful and dont end up losing a friend.

For those of you writing CVs, there are the rules that you have to equally follow.
1) When asking for advice, don't get pissy if someone gives you any that doesn't correspond to the rose tinted vision of your own achievements.
2) Make sure everything is proof-read. And not MS Word Spellchecked. Believe me, you didn't have take modules in Orgasmic Chemistry.
3) Don't write your entire life story. Its not War and Peace. Two sides of A4 and then everyone gets bored. Even if on side 3 you mention that Nelson Mandela looks up to you as a role model, they are not going to read that far, they end on your Duke of Edinburgh award (1998) and thats just tough.